Today (technically yesterday because it is after midnight- but I'm still awake so we will go with today) is my dad's birthday and the one year anniversary of Abbey getting out of the hospital after she was re-admitted with tachycardia. A whole year ago. Somehow it seems like it has gone too quickly and also much too fast.
She is so incredibly beautiful
Even when she is being silly! She is really becoming her own person. She responds to her sisters with such joy and brings such joy out of them. I love what a baby does to our household! Who can resist making her laugh, or not melt when she does her Frankenstein walk over to you to get a hug? She has this adorable way of holding her hands out to you while she tilts her head to the side and almost looks like she is shrugging - all while waiting for you to pick her up - TOO cute! This is definitely the beginning of my favorite age - she is not so passive anymore, but totally interactive!
And so today I was thinking about what it was like to FINALLY bring her out of the hospital last year. It was sweltering outside - and had been for the whole week, although it was irrelevant to me because I barely left the hospital. It was the weirdest holiday we ever had! I say that because she was re-admitted on a Friday - Greg's last day at work before we were supposed to be heading out on holidays for a week. So I spent our holiday in the neo-natal and Pediatrics units at the General and the kids hung out with their dad and with Aunty Tracy a lot.
I remember feeling relieved that Greg had the time off and didn't have to worry about being home with the girls - that is God. We could have left for holidays not knowing that there was anything wrong,and who knows how long it would have taken us to figure it out, but we had a doctor's appointment - that is God. Having a baby with a reoccurring condition like this requires the help of family when you have to take her to the hospital, not a city alone where your husband works 40 minutes away from home, and we live here now - that is God.
I am convinced more and more of His mercy and grace. Yes, I hate it that she has this condition - but God still has things under control. He still is looking out for us and blessing us through it. That is one of the reasons that I have such a hard time with people, especially Christians who assume that when something bad is happening in another person's life (especially Christians) that it is because they are not right with God, or because they have unconfessed sin in their lives...I have wrestled with this for a year. I have asked God time and again to heal my baby, or to allow her to grow into healing, and if it was me or us or something that caused it - to forgive and make it right...but you know what? She is still on medication - it still happens, she is still susceptible to these episodes. HOWEVER, I see God working in every single one of them - I see His fingerprints all over it. He didn't cause it, He could stop it - but for now, He hasn't - He allows it - and that is okay - He's still in control. We aren't being punished and neither is she - it is what it is - and God will use it for His own glory.
John 9:1-3 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"
"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."
It's also kind of like the story of good ol' Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (better known as Rack, Shack and Benny). God allowed them to go through the fire - yet was with them in it. He could have stricken King Nebuchadnezzar, or something else, but He didn't. He went through it with them, and was glorified because of it. Also the same with Daniel - He could have helped Daniel avoid the lion's den altogether, but He allowed it - but didn't make him go it alone. Same goes for Jonah in the storm - allowed the storm and for Jonah to be thrown overboard, but didn't abandon him there. And in the New Testament there are just as many stories - from Paul's life alone, of stonings, mob scenes, imprisonment, all He could have prevented - but instead He allowed - and remained present through by the power of His Holy Spirit - and in all of those things was given the Glory due His name.
In all of this year, I mostly want to give Him glory for bringing us through to this point. For His timing and His provision. More than once it has happened when there has been someone here to stay with the older kids - as a matter of fact, except for the first time when they were with me at her doctor's appointment - I have NEVER had to take them and subject them to that, even the last time, my sister had just shown up for a visit, unannounced, and then was able to stay with them so I could take Abbey in...THAT is God.
So I will keep hoping and praying that she will 'grow out of this', and I will continue being ever so grateful for her very life and the joy it brings, and I will also continue to look for God in the midst of it - and continue learning about His provision and care.
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