I went to a retreat last weekend, actually we left a week ago today. It was two nights at a beautiful retreat center north of Saskatoon. I can't say I came home particularly rested, but I did have a good time and left challenged in my view of surrendering to God. I have long known that I don't have a hard time surrendering to God - but I do have a hard time surrendering right away! Even as I am resisting sometimes or rebelling in my heart - I will know in my head that I am going to surrender and do it God's way anyway...so I left challenged to give in sooner! BEFORE I say something I regret, or BEFORE I get myself all worked up. I want to look at things from God's perspective FIRST - because I know in my head it is best! The thing I have been thinking over and over since I got home is something that one woman shared about her crying out to the Lord about a problem she was having, and just saying finally "I can't do this" and the feeling in her heart that God said to her - "Good, finally you might let me". I laughed when I heard her say it and can relate so much!
God often wants us to let go so He can move, or give up so He has room to work. He wants the glory - He doesn't want us to boast - so many stories in the Bible illustrate this so well. Gideon, David, even Jesus' disciples. If God picks the biggest, smartest or most they will take credit themselves, but if we can admit our inability to change things - we are willing to give Him the glory and credit when He changes us or our circumstances, whichever way He decides to do it! That was the other thing that spoke so clearly to me - that God doesn't always change our circumstances when we feel like we are in an impossible situation, He often chooses to change us instead! Hallelujah, more like Jesus, here I come! LOL!!!
It was a nice time, and I had 5 hours or something of 'free' time in the afternoon one day - can you imagine? I can't think of the last time I had that much time to do whatever I wanted! I took 2 crafty workshops and then spent some time with a good friend free crafting! I think I ended up with 4 cards - plus a candleholder and cool candy can from the workshops. All in all I am very glad I went.
Another thing I had to laugh about was part of the mixer theme...the ladies who planned our wonderful time away made a point of saying that while we are always worried about what others are thinking about us - the truth is that they are actually worried about what we are thinking of them! Which I have said myself often! I also made a decision before I left to sit with whoever I ended up sitting with, to room with whoever I ended up rooming with, and to try and eat with different people at each meal, just to not get stuck in my 'comfort' zone. I think I accomplished that well enough and in the process had some really great conversations, even with a couple of people I have never actually noticed at Hillsdale before - so I will be looking for them this weekend!
Of course my kids had a great time hanging out with Dad, they watched movies, ate pizza and went skating with their cousins and good friends so how could that be bad, right? The only sad part was missing church on Sunday - now I feel behind - I better go listen to the sermon I missed right now!